Dear Walmart,

There are so many things about you that drive me crazy. I believe that relationships should be open and honest. If we’re going to continue with… whatever this is we have going, you really should know these things.  First, do you know how germy you are? You gaining more money by having a pharmacy in the store in hopes that the sick people waiting for their scripts will shop really blows. Blows snotty noses in conjunction with hacking lungs spreading germs all over the store and merchandise. Now I am probably freaking out all the germaphobes and covidphobes. Your looks haven’t turned me away, it’s your cooties. 

But, speaking of looks,  can you not implement a more appropriate dress code? I mean people are out there in the world with Internet sites and books dedicated to making your customers a laughing stock. Perhaps if you cracked down on a more suitable attire this mockery wouldn’t exist. But hey, maybe you are the ones releasing all these videos and photos as another money making gimmick. If so, kudos to you. Then there is the fact that you installed 25.916 self-checkouts and have only 2.3 cashiers to assist those of us who have one extremely over-filled cart full of groceries. Whom do you have working those registers? People who, no matter what age seem to move slower than my Nana who is 102 and loves her traveling and wine. That is especially annoying during rush hours when people are stuck in self checkout lines, well on their way to overflowing into the women’s clothing area, waiting on people with a cartful and no room to put their twenty grocery bags that are already filled and still have enough in their cart to fill six more bags. Can we get a little more service over here please?

Now, once upon a time I was employed by you. I went through orientation.  I watched the videos. You preached customer service and satisfaction.  You said “no pointing customers in the right direction”.  We are to take them directly to the product they are in search of.  When I see employees I’m pretty sure they are avoiding as many shoppers as possible. If and when I do seek help I get the, “Well, I think it’s on aisle 5, but it might be 6. You’ll just have to check and see.” Dude, if I wanted to mosey around every aisle collecting even more items that were NOT on my list because I’m half starved and only came in to get three items needed for dinner, I never would have asked for your help. I seriously have better luck asking a fellow customer. Nine times out of ten they know exactly where the cream of tarter I’m searching for is located.  

Finally,  why is it when I go in your store my kids go ape shiitake crazy. Anytime I go to Target they are calm. They listen to me. There is no bat poo, lost yo dang mind, wait til we get home, I’m taking you to the bathroom,  you’re grounded until eternity going on at Target. But, with you, I threaten to sell myself on the black market because I don’t want to be a mom by the time I leave your store. It’s that insane. Needless to say, our relationship has become estranged. I’m sorry, but I think we need a break.    

Sincerely, 

Rambling Roxy