Dear Aunt Flo,

Listen, I think it’s great that you consider visiting me each month.  But, I have to be honest with you, I really don’t like when you do. You are like those extended family members that I prefer only to see twice a year around the holidays and even that is two times too many. In fact, whenever you do visit you cause me at least one severe headache and a whole lotta crabbiness. I basically have one nerve left and everyone is dry humping it. Not to mention the abdominal pain you cause. You might actually be worse than labor pain. At least at the end of that there is a cute brat baby that makes the suffering all worth it. 

You have an overwhelming effect on men when you are visiting. I’ve heard the comments men make under their breath when you’re here about not trusting something that lives after being with you for a week. Let’s face it, you don’t have a cool tricked out name tag or great sense of humor like the Progressive Flo does. The only benefit from having you around is that you give the peace of mind that there is no internal life growing inside me. Four is enough for me. Here’s the thing though,  that is no longer a concern of mine because I’ve been spayed. So really,  you don’t have to make the monthly trip anymore. I can’t say that I’d miss you either, which is all the more reason to avoid me. I’m sure you have plenty of young, pubescent girls you could pester instead… including my daughters.  When my girls turned of age you just loved making my life unbearable. Sometimes for three consecutive weeks in a row  (yes, you’re that vindictive). So, please, for the love of Midol,  can you just stop harvesting my uterus already?

Sincerely,

Rambling Roxy